The Wright Way To Run A Marathon
by Klowee von Karma
Summary: Several PW characters run a marathon.


"Come on, Nick! Wake up!" Maya yelled.

"Ugh," Phoenix said. "Why?"

"Don't you remember? We signed up to run that marathon today," Maya replied excitedly.

"W-Whaaaaaat?! When did I do that?!"

"There was talk about a marathon, so I signed us up. You know how important it is that we spirit mediums stay fit," Maya responded.

_I don't remember physical fitness being part of the criteria for spirit mediums!_

"But then...Why do I have to go?" Phoenix asked. He regretted asking when Pearl smacked him.

"How dare you, Mr. Nick! You have to give Mystic Maya what she wants. After all, she is your...special someone," Pearl said. Phoenix sighed and got up.

"You can't wear your suit, Nick. It's too hot out," Maya said.

"But it's the only thing in my wardrobe," Phoenix said, staring into the closet full of blue suits.

"Alright. Your loss," Maya said. "We're going to be late!" She dragged Phoenix out the door while Pearl followed them...

**~*~**

Phoenix was behind the starting line and was looking around.

"Yo, Nick," Larry Butz said as he walked up to Phoenix.

"L-Larry?! What are you doing here?" Phoenix said.

"I figured this would be a good way to meet some chicks," Larry said.

_Of course. Did I really think he would be here for any other reason?_

"By the way, you look cute, Maya," Larry flirted.

"Thanks, Larry," Maya said. That's when Pearl hit Phoenix.

"Ow! What did I do?!" Phoenix asked.

"You should compliment Mystic Maya more often, Mr. Nick," Pearl replied.

"S-sorry," Phoenix said. "Maya..."

"Yes, Nick?"

"You...Have a great personality?" Pearl hit him so hard he fell over.

"Well, see ya," Larry said as he jogged away.

"Hey, pal. Are you okay?" Gumshoe asked as he effortlessly picked Phoenix up and placed him on the ground.

"I'm fine, Detective Gumshoe," Phoenix responded. "Wait...What are you doing here?"

"Us police officers have to stay in shape, pal," Gumshoe said.

"Is Edgeworth here?" Phoenix inquired.

"Why? Are you in love with him or something, pal?" Gumshoe answered with a huge smile on his face.

"N-no, I just-" Phoenix was interrupted by Pearl hitting him yet again.

"How could you, Mr. Nick?!" she asked. There was a long, awkward silence that followed.

"I was just kidding, pal," Gumshoe said. "Now that I think of it, that would be just plain old gross, pal. Anyway, he isn't here. Mr. Edgeworth is in Germany by now."

"Oh, okay," Phoenix said. "Thanks, Gumshoe."

"SIR!" shouted a voice through a megaphone. "I'M READY FOR YOUR NEXT ORDER!" Officer Meekins was right by Gumshoe, yelling in his ear.

"Go away, pal," Gumshoe said. "Or at least back up."

"NO CAN DO, SIR!" Meekins shouted through the megaphone. "That nice lady with the whip told me to stay by you at all times."

"N-nice lady with the whip? You don't mean..." Gumshoe began. That's when Franziska Von Karma showed up.

"Franziska Von Karma?! I thought you were in Germany with Mr. Edgeworth." Franziska whipped Gumshoe.

"Why would you foolishly think that, you foolish fool?"

"Because you grew up in Germany, sir. OW!" Gumshoe screamed as Franziska whipped him again.

"Why are you running a marathon in the first place?" Phoenix asked. He screamed as he got whipped.

"Because a Von Karma has to be perfect in every way, Phoenix Wright," she replied. "Now come, Scruffy and Megaphone." Gumshoe and Meekins both followed Franziska, and Phoenix heard the whip crack on someone when they left.

"Places," said a man who is only in this story to announce the start and end of the marathon. "On your mark...Get set...GO!" he fired the pistol and the competitors all took off running.

**~*~**

Phoenix was huffing and puffing, sure he was in last place. Maya easily jogged next to him.

"Come on, Nick," Maya said. "You only ran a couple yards."

"How *gasp* long is this *pant* thing anyway *wheeze*?" Phoenix asked.

"Oh, a hundred miles or so," Maya said.

"A-A HUNDRED MILES?! That's it. I give up," Phoenix said as he slowed down.

"M-Mr. Nick, you can't give up!" Pearl yelled. Phoenix braced himself for another hit, but it never came. "I mean, you would do anything for Maya, even walk over hot coals, right?"

"W-well, that's different," Phoenix said.

"How, Nick?" Maya asked.

"Because Officer Meekins wouldn't be singing the Star Spangled Banner over his megaphone if I was doing something else!" Phoenix yelled over Meekins's butchering of the National Anthem (of America). When Phoenix looked forward, he saw Gumshoe trying in vain to block out the sound by covering his ears.

"Tired, Phoenix Wright?" Franziska Von Karma asked as she jogged up next to him.

"W-well, as a matter of fact..." Phoenix began, but was interrupted by his own screaming as Franziska whipped him.

"I did not lose to you in court so many times for you to be a sissy!" Franziska yelled, whipping at Phoenix's feet, which forced him to move faster as a result. Maya stood to the side and laughed as Phoenix passed her and Pearl.

_This isn't funny!_ Phoenix thought as he ran towards Officer Meekins's wailing.

**~*~**

"I did it! I ran one mile!" Phoenix shouted excitedly between gasps.

"Great," Maya said. "Only 24 more."

"T-twenty four?! And then the race will be over?" Phoenix asked.

"No. Only 24 more miles until the rest stop where we can rest and get some food," Maya replied.

_Same old Maya. Always has to bring up the food._

"Tired, Phoenix Wright?" Franziska Von Karma asked from behind him. "Because my whip has been itching to make contact with a foolish fool such as yourself."

"No, I'm not tired," Phoenix said as he turned around.

"Where are you going, Nick?" Maya asked.

"I'm getting out of this marathon," Phoenix replied.

"Go ahead and quit, Phoenix Wright. But just so you know...I whip every quitter I see 1,000 times," Franziska said as she stepped out of Phoenix's way. Phoenix stopped dead in his tracks.

"And how could you think about quitting on Mystic Maya?" Pearl asked angrily.

"Your choice, Phoenix Wright. A hundred miles or 1,000 cracks of the whip on that foolish face of yours," Franziska added. Phoenix stood still for as long as he thought he could get away with before finally turning back around and running back the right way.

"I knew it, Phoenix Wright," Franziska said. "You are not a foolishly foolish quitter, just a foolish fool." Phoenix sighed with relief as Franziska ran past him.

**~*~**

24 miles of Maya and Pearl dragging Phoenix along later...

Phoenix let himself fall onto the hard wood floor of the rest area and realized how much he missed the scent of fresh food being made, the ability to just lie down and relax...

"Nick, what are you doing?" Maya asked. Phoenix looked up at her, confused at first. Then, he realized he was kissing the floor. He immediately spat, trying to get the dust from the floor out of his mouth. Maya laughed at his plight before saying, "You know what'll get that taste out of your mouth, Nick? Some fresh, juicy burgers." Phoenix's stomach growled loudly when Maya mentioned the burgers.

"Okay, buy you, Pearls, and I some burgers," Phoenix said, giving Maya some money.

"What will you be doing, Nick?" Maya asked.

"I'll be lying here and trying not to die!" Phoenix replied. Maya and Pearl walked away to get hamburgers.

"Hey, pal," Detective Gumshoe said as he walked over to Phoenix. "How's it going?"

"D-Detective Gumshoe?! I thought you would be out running by now," Phoenix said.

"Well, there's supposed to be a huge storm happening soon, so all of us running the marathon are supposed to stay here until it passes," Gumshoe replied. Phoenix looked around. He saw Meekins, but someone was missing.

"Gumshoe? Where's Franziska Von Karma?"

"Why? Do you love her or something, pal?" Gumshoe responded.

"Seriously, that's starting to get old," Phoenix said.

"She skipped this rest stop, pal. She thinks that she'll win the race if she gets a good enough head start. Before she left, she said something about having to be perfect," Gumshoe explained. Phoenix forced himself up at that point.

"She could be in danger!" Phoenix exclaimed urgently.

"Should we go after her, pal?" Gumshoe inquired. Phoenix thought for a second.

"...No, she's probably okay," Phoenix said as he plopped back down on the hard wood floor.

Meanwhile for Franziska...

Franziska was running, but then she heard someone behind her. She stopped and looked around. Figuring she was hearing things, she started to run again, this time more cautiously. Franziska then heard someone running behind her. She stopped and pulled out her whip.

Out of the shadows, someone shouted, "It's raeping time!" Franziska turned around and whipped Gant until he fell over, unconscious, before continuing running.

**~*~**

Phoenix, Maya, Pearl, and Gumshoe all left and ran after Franziska Von Karma. Here are some of the things that happened along the way.

"Hey, Wright," Edgeworth said as the group caught up to him.

"Edgeworth?! I thought you were in Germany!" Phoenix yelled.

"I made Gumshoe lie so you wouldn't stalk me like you always do," Edgeworth said calmly.

"And you're wearing shorts!" Phoenix yelled with the same surprise as before.

"Yes, Wright. I'm wearing shorts so I can run more easily. You should consider getting yourself a pair," Edgeworth said.

"I feel drawn to you...Ow!" Phoenix screamed as Pearl hit him and glared at him.  
"Don't feel bad, pal. I don't know anyone who hasn't been drawn to Edgeworth," Gumshoe said with a silly smile on his face. There was a long silence that followed. Then, Gumshoe felt himself get whipped. "Ow!" he screamed.

"Foolish fool. I've never been drawn to Miles Edgeworth," Franziska said.

"Aren't you miles ahead of us?" Gumshoe asked only to get whipped for asking a ridiculous question.

"I am not here. I am a figment of your imagination," Franziska replied as she whipped Gumshoe some more before vanishing.

"That was weird, pal," Gumshoe said as he looked around to see that everyone else had moved on. "Wait for me!"

Larry Butz was running back to meet some chicks when he was blinded by the flash from a camera. He ran right into a tree and fell.

"Oi," he said.

"Hey, there, city boy," a lady with a fake Southern accent said. Larry looked up to see Lotta Hart.

"Hi," Larry said. "You are the prettiest woman here. Wanna go out with me?"

"Sure," Lotta replied. Larry then looked shocked and troubled. "What?"

"Nothing I just...Forget about going out with me," Larry replied as he ran away.

"NNNNOOOOoooooo!" Maya screamed as she jumped in front of Phoenix, who stopped short so he wouldn't trample her.

"What was that all about, Maya?" Phoenix asked.

"Oh, I'm just preparing for when Franziska whips you a million times when we catch up to her," Maya said. Phoenix sighed.

"You've been watching too many cartoons and movies, Maya," he said as he helped her up.

"Hey, Pearl. See this? It's a real gun," Gumshoe said. "Why don't you play with this for a while?"

"Gumshoe!" Phoenix yelled.

"Don't worry. It's only a water gun," Gumshoe whispered in Phoenix's ear. Pearl pointed the water gun at one of Gumshoe's legs and fired. Gumshoe fell to the ground and clutched his leg in pain. He groaned.

"A little over the top there, Gumshoe?" Phoenix asked.

"I gave her the wrong gun, pal!" Gumshoe yelled through the pain. Phoenix looked horrified as he bent over to try to wrap Gumshoe's leg or something. Then, Gumshoe picked Phoenix up and got up at the same time.

"I was kidding pal. You should have seen your face," he said as he laughed. Phoenix looked shocked.

"Do you really think I'm that irresponsible, pal?" Gumshoe asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do," Phoenix said. Gumshoe whimpered as Pearl laughed and started squirting a few more things.

**~*~**

Phoenix, Maya, Pearl, and Gumshoe all finally crossed the finish line to see Franziska waiting patiently for them.

"A Von Karma is perfect in every way," Franziska said. "I finished this marathon in exactly 1,000 minutes."

"One-thousand minutes? That's um..." Maya said.

"T-ten minutes per mile!" Phoenix shouted. "Or would be if the race wasn't actually 99.9 miles long."

"Oh, good. You can do simple math. Now I shall do some of my own," Franziska said ominously.

"What would that be?" Maya asked.

"How many whips does it take to divide a foolish fool into 100 pieces," Franiziska replied as she readied her whip.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!!!" Maya screamed as she jumped in front of Phoenix. Unfortunately, she jumped too soon and landed harmlessly on the ground as Franziska whipped Phoenix until he fainted.

Several hours later...

Phoenix woke up, dazed and confused.

"Turns out a whip's not strong enough. You owe me a new one, and I shall make your life miserable until you get me a bullwhip," Franziska said.

"How will you do that without a whip?" Phoenix asked.

"You are in the Hotti clinic," Franziska replied. Phoenix screamed and ran. Maya walked into the room, seeing Franziska, but not Phoenix.

"Where's Nick?" she asked.

"How should I know, you foolish fool?" Franziska asked as she walked away, leaving Maya to stand in the room alone and confused.


End file.
